July 3, 1965

   Last night I walked over to Lincoln's after work. I felt self-conscious because I'd never gone dressed in sandals and a poncho before. Lately I've been hearing Bob Dylan's 'Positively Fourth Street'. I don't know what it means, but I like the aura of viewing the world from a distance and holding it accountable for its shortcomings. I took all the money I had stashed and bought Indian sandals and a brown poncho.
   Walking to Lincoln's I felt perfectly cool and totally in control of what might happen. It's a good thing too because Rusty called me over before I went in the store. He wanted me to walk him up the street where we would sniff glue from a bag.
   "No way," I told him. "It makes your brain sick." His answer astounded me. "It makes me forget what my father has said to me. That's all I care. Come on walk me over."
   "Rusty, if your Dad says things you don't understand or don't agree with, don't assume he's right and you're wrong. Nobody knows everything. Sometimes people will tell you

 

that you're wrong, just to make you feel bad."
   We meandered over to a darkened spot under an old oak. Before he stuck his face in the brown bag, he cried and told me that he'd let Leo the Fag cop his tool. There really wasn't much that I could say. I didn't want him to feel any worse than he already did.
   After he'd inhaled the glue fumes, I said that I had to go. Rusty looked at me blankly, then said, "Don't worry about telling the other guys, because they already know. Leo's living in our basement. My old man got bounced from another job for being drunk, so we got to get some money and Leo will pay."
   My father's many things and not all of them good, but at least he works as hard as he can so that we don't sink to the bottom of Patapsco.
   Ed White, the Gemini 4 astronaut, walked in space for twenty minutes. Luke asked me if I thought that would be scary. I had to admit that it would be, but I added there were times when I didn't think I could be any more scared than I already was. So being scared wouldn't stopped me from walking in space.