Unified Theory Of Everything

   Ari Lox arrived in the New York heatwave of 2006 AD from 2020 AD. With a most impressive voice (wavelength 3000 Hz) and a pale skin (sunlight fear tilted the lengthometer at 600 nm) he greeted the gathered multitude at the United Nations.
   "Friends, I come to reveal to you that the heat you feel does not exist. The global warming is merely an increase in length. The decibel ratings at airports cannot shatter your eardrums. They are merely lengths. The force of gravity can be ignored. It too is but a length."
   Our intrepid time-traveler took a deep breath (he needed an immense amount of length to give his body sustenence). Finally, he continued, "The greatest scientists of the future
have merged Einstein's mass-energy equivalence statement with Merinski's time-energy relation and the Shawenian mass-length transform to create a truly Unified Theory of Everything."

 

   In bold letters he wrote on the chalkboard,
                       anything = f(length)
   So great was the shock and awe that moments elapsed before anyone had the wits to speak.
   At last, the Ambassador from Mensa asked, "Mr. Lox, how did you get here?"
   He smiled. "Tomorrow is just yesterday on a longer string. I shrunk the length of the Earthline in a flood of water. Voila!"